Too smart for guys?

MissThompson
Posted: 7:01AM January 19, 2011 UTC
I have been talking to this one guy for months and he has told me he was interested in me so I told him I was too because well, I am. We went on a date and talked for a little while before another date. On the second date he told me that I was very smart, to which I said thank you. Then on Saturday I was talking to him when he said "You are very smart." I said thank you. Then today I got an email from him saying he could no longer continue talking to me because I am too smart. For the last 3 years this has happened to me. I get close to a guy and then he says I am too smart for him and he refuses to date me. Some guys say they can't even be my friend because I am smarter than them. I am not actually super smart, just like 87.6 average smart, not like 98 average smart.

Does this seem weird to anyone else? 
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kaloolah
Posted: 7:01AM January 24, 2011 UTC
Back to the whole "too smart for guys" thing.

I don't mind if a guy is a little bit less intelligent than me. As long as we can keep up a conversation, get along and are attracted to each other, then s'all good.


Hot, smart and nerdy guys are awesome though...just saying :P 
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mynameismattgotmlgo
Posted: 7:01AM January 24, 2011 UTC
@lemony wrote
@mynameismatt
You are right that chivalry is a relatively newer idea and is more created than instinctual. That is a good point. Chivalry is not hardwired in a male's system while dominance is, although its that rooted desire for dominance that leads to chivalry. Chivalry is based on protecting and saving the female because she is helpless and must be taken care of. It is a form of dominance, alongside being smarter.



Agreed that it is a form of dominance, but it is a much stronger form of dominance than a man wanting to be slightly smarter than or equal in intelligence to his wife.
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snowman
Posted: 7:01AM January 24, 2011 UTC
@ARMY101 wrote

@jsaroya wrote
find me a guy who legitimately doesn't mind a girl being smarter than him and i will.... i don't know, i don't even have to think of something to hand over because it's unlikely this could happen



I wouldn't want the girl I'm dating to be smarter than me.  Even equal is a little tricky since I'm supposed to maintain the dominant position in the relationship.

There's a fine balance between dating someone who you have superiority over, but not so that they're so stupid they drool when they speak.


 well said. if only these boob-carrying, penis-inducing creatures called females, with all their smartness,could understand this concept.
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lemony
Posted: 7:01AM January 24, 2011 UTC
@mynameismattgotmlgo wrote

@lemony wrote
@mynameismatt
You are right that chivalry is a relatively newer idea and is more created than instinctual. That is a good point. Chivalry is not hardwired in a male's system while dominance is, although its that rooted desire for dominance that leads to chivalry. Chivalry is based on protecting and saving the female because she is helpless and must be taken care of. It is a form of dominance, alongside being smarter.



Agreed that it is a form of dominance, but it is a much stronger form of dominance than a man wanting to be slightly smarter than or equal in intelligence to his wife.


In what way is it stronger? Could you not say that "being smarter" is a stronger form of dominance because 1) it is based in instincts and has been such for thousands of years 2) it is present in all males, while chivalry is not? I have to admit though, I'm starting to confuse myself a little. It probably doesn't help that we might have slightly different opinions on what chivalry is.
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mynameismattgotmlgo
Posted: 7:01AM January 24, 2011 UTC
By chivalry, you're talking about the type in which a man must hold the door open for his girlfriend/wife, pull her chair out for her so that she can take a seat, pay for all or most of a restaurant bill all the time, etc...? That's the type of chivalry I'm talking about.

When a man does things like these for his wife, it suggests that he believes his wife is helpless and absolutely needs him to care for her. If she can't even open a door for herself, then how would she ever be able to survive without him? When a man prefers that his wife not be smarter than he is, really all he wants is to not be frequently upstaged by her. If she is constantly telling him he is wrong (and, therefore, suggests that he is stupid or incompetent), then is he going to feel capable of protecting her and able to provide her with supplies? Probably not. She'll seem to have the dominant role in the relationship. He is going to feel dependent on her, which is fine from a logical point of view (chances are she actually is just as capable as he is), but it just doesn't feel right. What else can I say? It's a feeling and, therefore, pretty difficult to describe.

The basic difference, though, is that in the case of chivalry, the man treats the woman like she is completely helpless (essentially like a baby); in the case of a man not wanting his wife to be smarter than he is, the man acknowledges that his wife is capable of doing her own thing and that she is likely more competent than him in some areas, but the man still wants to seem the more competent overall and, therefore, feel like his wife does depend on him to some slightly greater degree than he depends on her.

If you can't rest without knowing that the universe is just (which is what it seems you believe), know that the degree to which a man wants to have some dominance over his wife is approximately equal to the degree of unequal protection that a man provides for his wife. If a husband and wife are standing outside freezing, who do you think is most likely to give his or her jacket to the other?
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Anonymous
Posted: 7:01AM January 25, 2011 UTC
Sounds as though ridiculously stupid guys are doomed o.O


(By doomed I mean can't any get girls..:compress: ) 
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kraken
Posted: 7:01AM January 25, 2011 UTC
Holding doors open does not suggest that someone is helpless and incompetent. It's simple politeness in many cases (e.g. they'd-get-whacked-in-the-face-if-you-didn't).
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StudentAtStPats
Posted: 7:01AM January 25, 2011 UTC
This is a really sexist conversation... haha... And not all guys want dominance or have it wired to their brain so chill girls :o
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Stranger
Posted: 7:01AM January 25, 2011 UTC
@kraken wrote
Holding doors open does not suggest that someone is helpless and incompetent. It's simple politeness in many cases (e.g. they'd-get-whacked-in-the-face-if-you-didn't).


Sometimes I hold doors open for guys, but the reversal of roles makes things awkward. 
Me: *holds door open*
Guy: No, go ahead.
Me: *awkwardly goes ahead and feels selfish for doing so*

But, I'd find it awkward either way because I'm just awkward like that. ...
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kaloolah
Posted: 7:01AM January 25, 2011 UTC
Army:

Where did your "forums captain" thingy-ma-jig go?

Were you dis-appointed? Were you disappointed by your dis-appointment?
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mynameismattgotmlgo
Posted: 7:01AM January 26, 2011 UTC
@kraken wrote
Holding doors open does not suggest that someone is helpless and incompetent. It's simple politeness in many cases (e.g. they'd-get-whacked-in-the-face-if-you-didn't).



You're clearly not taking the context into consideration. We're not talking about the occasional door-opening; we're talking about a woman not leaving her car until her husband opened the door for her. That's not just simple politeness. 
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smilez39
Posted: 7:01AM January 28, 2011 UTC
wow. you definately deserved better. guys can be dumb sometimes and sooner or later he will be kicking himself, and your be off to bigger and better things.
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give
Posted: 7:01AM January 29, 2011 UTC
I'm not at all for dumbing yourself down, but guys like to be the hero.
More specifically, they secretly desire to be the hero.

You don't sound like you're one to dominate a conversation, but he may feel that you're so awesome he has nothing to offer you, nothing to contribute to the relationship.
In that way he may feel you're dominating the relationship (I don't mean that as in "I am woman, hear me roar"). Let's see...if you were on the same side playing tug-o-war, you're both pulling, but your legwork is the only effort making a difference, despite his efforts. No one wants to feel weak or useless.

The common answer here is "find a smarter/better guy"
That's great, but more importantly that man you have yet to meet must appreciate you. He must be captivated by you, and your intelligence ;)

You are more thatn just your IQ
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SUMmer123456
Posted: 7:04AM April 27, 2011 UTC
Too secure for guys sounds more like it.
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QCman
Posted: 7:05AM May 21, 2011 UTC
I only like smart girls ( partially why i went to queens commerce :p) however turns out, i have a thing for helthsci/lifesci ( med school bound girls) so im crap out of luck with commerce ladies.

For me being able to have a conversation and just being with a person is just as important as physical attraction. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kozv2POJS0I
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pandasbox
Posted: 7:05AM May 24, 2011 UTC
@ARMY101 wrote
You need to get knocked off your high horse.  I hope someone puts you in your place.


I only read the first page, but honey, he's right. It sounds to me like you're fishing for compliments. Although it's possible that your ex broke up with you because you were too smart, that's usually not a good reason for a guy to break up with you, especially not all the guys you've dated (I know this because I'm a smart girl who's dated a few guys myself).

Take my advice with a grain of salt, from what I've read, maybe it's not your intelligence that scared him away, it might have been your pretentious attitude when you were with him. How else could he address his girlfriend's snobbery so early on in the relationship? Maybe between his compliments, he was trying to bring it to your attention. In relationships, often what is unsaid is just as important as what was said.

I'm not trying to be cruel, I wish you all the best in future relationships. Churchill said it very well: "Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things." And finally, you can never be too smart for guys.
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BFishy
Posted: 7:05AM May 24, 2011 UTC
In response to OP.

It's not because you're smart. You probably have bad breath, are a bad kisser or are ugly or some crap. Probably just really ugly.
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littleroom
Posted: 7:06AM June 17, 2011 UTC
@Super wrote
How old are you guys? I've always heard that girls will develop faster than guys biologically.


This sounds like an excuse a paedophile would give.  
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SUMmer123456
Posted: 7:06AM June 19, 2011 UTC
@Super wrote

@littleroom wrote

@Super wrote
How old are you guys? I've always heard that girls will develop faster than guys biologically.


This sounds like an excuse a paedophile would give.  



Relax... it`s an honest question. :tongue:

OP: A/S/L?



Don't you have girls at your school that you could go for?
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BrownianMotion
Posted: 7:06AM June 19, 2011 UTC
LOL

I doubt this is a problem that any girl has ever had.

"Too smart for a guy." Priceless!
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SUMmer123456
Posted: 7:06AM June 19, 2011 UTC
@BrownianMotion wrote
LOL

I doubt this is a problem that any girl has ever had.

"Too smart for a guy." Priceless!



Like all good things in life. This problem resides in the mind of the beholder.
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BrownianMotion
Posted: 7:06AM June 20, 2011 UTC
Last girl I dated was a 1st year PhD student and this wasn't a problem - in fact, she was less intelligent than me. From what I gathered, being "too smart for guys" was never an issue for her in the past. And this is among the best the female sex has to offer in terms of intelligence. 

The OP is just trying to make herself feel better about guys not being into her. I can sort of buy that she dated one dude who was inferior intellectually. But for it to happen on a consistent basis is just statistically unlikely as males, on average, have higher IQs. 
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ktel
Posted: 7:06AM June 20, 2011 UTC
I've noticed my guy friends will actually find a girl more attractive if she's smart. This is partially by their admission, partially by my observation. They're engineers so are somewhat girl deprived on a day-to-day basis.
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