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Convincing parents to live in Rez!!!! ughhhh!!!!

A photo of as29 as29
Hey guyz I really wanna live in rez for my first year in uni but my parents just won't let me. The whole making frends easily n easy access to class wont fly with them. I have applied to a few unis that r farther away so it might be a bit easier to persuade them but i really dont wanna go there cuz they're not really the best for my program. Money is no object

Any suggestions on how to convince my parents to allow me to live in rez? Let me know what strategies u have used to convince them. Were yours as strict as mine?

P.S. I'm "brown" n as v all know "brown" parents are notorious for being over protective of their kids n pampering them. By no means this is true for every "brown" parent nor am I being racist, I'm just stating my situation. I sincerely apologize if anyone gets offended.

I guess I have until June to convince them, so do u think I should approach the subject closer to June after my acceptances or before?

I was thinking that if I said it after then maybe they might not have as much time to think about it so once I submit my deposit, there won't be any turning back. At the same time though, it might be a downfall cuz they wont have as much time to think about it?
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A photo of ktel ktel
Are you saying you could easily live at home and go to university but you would prefer to live in res? That's a tough sell. I personally lived at home to save money.

You could try to sell it as a way to do better in school, that you would save time by not having to commute and would be around other students in your program.
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A photo of as29 as29

@ktel wrote
Are you saying you could easily live at home and go to university but you would prefer to live in res? That's a tough sell. I personally lived at home to save money.

You could try to sell it as a way to do better in school, that you would save time by not having to commute and would be around other students in your program.



As I said before my parents are really overprotective so I just wanna go to get them out of my hair for a while, I am not being disrespectful to them or anything, I am very grateful, but I really would like some independence and freedom for a bit.
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A photo of Ba Ba Blue Ba Ba Blue
Your reason for wanting to live in residence is quite valid - tell it to them. It may blow up into a huge argument, but I know several people who have resolved the issue like this. Explain to them that you will be an adult by the laws of this country and simply ask them to treat you as one, specifically in regards to letting you make your own choices. I am assuming that your grandparents (should they still be alive and well) don't force their choices upon your parents, so you can draw the parallel there.

Parents often have a hard time letting go. It may not be the most peaceful way to resolve this issue (and I personally don't see a peaceful one given the circumstances), but it's something that will be necessary in time to address.

Could you possibly state exactly which problems they have with residence? Like what are they trying to "protect" you from? We may be able to come up with a reasonable case against what they're saying to help you be prepared in the event of a dispute.
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A photo of as29 as29

@Ba Ba Blue wrote
Your reason for wanting to live in residence is quite valid - tell it to them. It may blow up into a huge argument, but I know several people who have resolved the issue like this. Explain to them that you will be an adult by the laws of this country and simply ask them to treat you as one, specifically in regards to letting you make your own choices. I am assuming that your grandparents (should they still be alive and well) don't force their choices upon your parents, so you can draw the parallel there.

Parents often have a hard time letting go. It may not be the most peaceful way to resolve this issue (and I personally don't see a peaceful one given the circumstances), but it's something that will be necessary in time to address.

Could you possibly state exactly which problems they have with residence? Like what are they trying to "protect" you from? We may be able to come up with a reasonable case against what they're saying to help you be prepared in the event of a dispute.



I think the only problem they have is that I'm a girl, they would have let my bro, who is a year younger, go just cuz he's a guy,even if he doen't want to, n he said it himself that if he had the chance he wouldn't wanna go. N yes all my grandparents are alive and well but they would be the ones who would be most against this
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A photo of Ba Ba Blue Ba Ba Blue
My point wasn't to ask consent from your grandparents, but more to draw a comparison between the relationship between your grandparents and your parents and you and your parents. Use it as a point in justifying the ability to make your own decisions as an adult member of Canadian society. Whether they want to admit it or not, you have your own life that they need to slowly accept even if the decisions you make aren't the ones that they think are the best option.

As for the thing about being a girl, I understand the issue there. It's really sad that the double standards exist, but the argument is the same. You might just have a more heated argument about it than your brother would.

Remember, it's not like you're making a poor decision in doing this so don't let them make you feel bad. Remind them that you're still being a good daughter and going to school, whether or not you live at home. They should feel blessed to have someone like you instead of a high school drop-out drug addict or something of the sort. The least they can do to honour all the hard work you've put into your life and the maturity you've shown by choosing to attend post-secondary schooling is to give their consent in this matter.
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A photo of as29 as29

@Ba Ba Blue wrote
My point wasn't to ask consent from your grandparents, but more to draw a comparison between the relationship between your grandparents and your parents and you and your parents. Use it as a point in justifying the ability to make your own decisions as an adult member of Canadian society.



O sorry I understood what u meant abt the grandparents the first time, I was just making a statement. Asking them to convince my parents wouldn't even be an option
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A photo of ktel ktel
Of course she's an adult and can make whatever decisions she wants. The situation becomes much trickier when her parents are footing the bill (which I assume is the case here). I would caution using the argument "I'm an adult and should get to do what I want" in this situation, because they might just respond with "Fine, be an adult, we won't help you anymore"
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A photo of Ba Ba Blue Ba Ba Blue
When they said money was not a concern, I assumed that meant they had ample savings. If indeed you meant that parents are paying for everything, then listen to them unless you're prepared to take on the bill yourself.
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A photo of as29 as29
They are paying for it but I was considering paying them back, but they might get offended, so I dunno if that's a good idea and might just make things worse

I guess I have until June to convince them, so do u think I should approach the subject closer to June after my acceptances or before?

I was thinking that if I said it after then maybe they might not have as much time to think about it so once I submit my deposit, there won't be any turning back. At the same time though, it might be a downfall cuz they wont have as much time to think about it.
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A photo of ktel ktel
I think you should start working on them now, but very slowly. Start mentioning all the good things that come out staying in res (no commute, instant community of support, etc.) I didn't live in res but I know how important friends in your program are to succeeding in a degree (especially in engineering, which is what my undergrad degree is in)
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A photo of andrewk512 andrewk512
Res is for criminals, you're better off not going.
Just ask Army101.
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A photo of cheers123 cheers123

@andrewk512 wrote
Res is for criminals, you're better off not going.




Why?
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A photo of Anonymous Anonymous

@cheers123 wrote

@andrewk512 wrote
Res is for criminals, you're better off not going.




Why?


Because students in res are away from home and feel empowered to try drugs, drink excessively, and have sex with loose women (or be a loose woman themselves). Residence is full of criminality, and that's why you should avoid it at all costs.
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A photo of chii chii
I think the way to convincing your parents is to work on changing their attitude on the girls vs boys thing.

You need to prove to them that you are mature and responsible and will know how to make safe choices for your self as well as your brother can.

Just because you are a woman, it doesn't mean you are helpless/that you don't deserve the same opportunity as your brother.

Talk to them about why he can go but you not. Prove them wrong and provide them with the facts on your campus' safety protocols if that's what they're worried about.

EDIT: And, don't listen to ARMY, he's way overstating the reality. Thing is that YES it will be a different environment and a place to experiment, but it won't turn you into something you don't want to be. If anything, it will strengthen your moral values when you make the choices you want to make. If that's drinking then so be it, but know that you can drink responsibly, or choose to not drink at all.
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A photo of OscarUK OscarUK
ARMY is Boring Troll.

OT: You're 18 right? You can legally leave home, get married, drink (maybe), etcetc... how about telling them you can do what you want?
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A photo of ktel ktel

@OscarUK wrote
ARMY is Boring Troll.

OT: You're 18 right? You can legally leave home, get married, drink (maybe), etcetc... how about telling them you can do what you want?



As I mentioned above, bad idea when your parents are paying for it.
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A photo of Quiz Quiz

@ARMY101 wrote

@cheers123 wrote

@andrewk512 wrote
Res is for criminals, you're better off not going.




Why?


Because students in res are away from home and feel empowered to try drugs, drink excessively, and have sex with loose women (or be a loose woman themselves). Residence is full of criminality, and that's why you should avoid it at all costs.


Army, you should use some administrative tactics and have these threads wiped from the forums at once!
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A photo of as29 as29

@chii wrote
And, don't listen to ARMY, he's way overstating the reality. Thing is that YES it will be a different environment and a place to experiment, but it won't turn you into something you don't want to be. If anything, it will strengthen your moral values when you make the choices you want to make. If that's drinking then so be it, but know that you can drink responsibly, or choose to not drink at all.



I agree with you on that. I have an extremely strict rule against drinking, drugs, n smoking. I wouldn't touch those things no matter wat. I wouldn't do it even if my parents tell me to. They're not worth getting addicted to.

N the adult thing is prbly a bad idea to use with my parents, they might cut me off. No offense to anyone
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A photo of DoorKnob22 DoorKnob22
Remind your parents that they will be dead soon enough (you can sugar coat this if you want), and you have to be able to stand on your own 2 feet, this is a great early start to that.

Though keep in mind the pros/cons of your options.
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A photo of MyNameIsChris MyNameIsChris
I'm "brown" too and never had this problem. My sister's moving out and my parents don't care. If you don't mind me asking, are you a Muslim? Because from the sound of things, my guess would be that you are. If that is the case, and they're very strict/religious, then don't hold your breath. Most of em' think that girls can't be trusted to live alone, as they'll always be looking to get into trouble/have sex, which is a big no no in Islam. You could, however, point out that you live in Canada, not some middle-eastern hell-hole, and here, you are free to make your own decisions, especially if you're an 18 year old adult. You are not obliged to be their slave if you don't want to be. Here, women are equal to men. Maybe you should remind them of that.
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A photo of as29 as29

@Respects wrote
Rez is really expensive. After first year you're going to have to move off campus and waste more money on rent and food. The debt isn't worth it. This is what I would do. Go to a uni relatively close by. Live in rez only for first year if you want the experience. Tell your parents it's so you can adjust to university and do well in first year. Commute after that. You'll thank me when it comes time to pay off your loans and you're 20-30 grand less in debt.



This was my original plan but the likelihood of it happening is very low. My only chances are if I go to a farther uni. The only reason I dont wanna move away from home is cuz of the cost for 4years. It's way too expensive and I'll prbly feel horrible abt it after first year, so that's y I only wanted to live in first year. But on the flipside, I won't get that first year experience if I go to a close uni.
N i'm not even sure if i'll get into my first choice uni, cuz the avg requirements r so high 4 my prgrm, I applied at Mac for nursing. It's a 2hr commute though, for one way, so I'm wasting 4 hrs evryday
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A photo of as29 as29

@Respects wrote
I go to Mac and it sucks, really expensive too. Rez isn't worth it. It was an alright first year experience but I'm plannin on transferring to a uni close to home in Toronto.



wat sucks, the prgrm or rez? n wat prgrm r u in?
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