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What matters most to you in a relationship?

A photo of Stranger Stranger
Looks, money, or personality? (Or something else?)

Personality compatibility is what matters most to me. The importance of the other factors are incomparable..
Lately, my mom has been telling me I need to find a boy who is tall (5"10+), handsome, and makes good money. I tell her I'm really just looking for personality. Then she questions me - what if the guy was short and unattractive? Forgive me if I sound super cheesy, but I honestly don't think that would matter if I was in love. I'd imagine I'd grow to love whatever he looks like as long as I'm attracted to his personality.

As for money, we'd just need enough to live comfortably. I wouldn't get with a guy solely because he's rich.

Am I alone here? I wouldn't be surprised if most people claim they prefer personality over looks. However, from what I've observed, those same people are quick to judge from appearance. Most of my friends would also probably say personality is what really matters to them, but they don't seem to realize how much they contradict themselves when they comment on how unattractive a guy is before getting to know him.

Perhaps I just value personality more than others because I find it extremely hard to find people who are compatible with me. So finding a man who fits my personality ideals would be like finding a rare gem.


/end corny ramble (I guess this is what you get from a hopeless romantic. :P)
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A photo of goldmansachs goldmansachs
For relationships, which I don't take seriously.. I would choose appearances over personality. But that's probably because I view relationships in a different way than you do. I'm in high school so, I know relationships won't last for a long time anyways so I would prefer to have some fun before getting down to something serious.

However, for something like marriage or like a relationship when I'm uni, I would choose personality over looks. So I'm on the same boat. The personality is what's going to keep the relationship going, not the looks.

I also have a thing for girls that play volleyball :bounce:
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A photo of mynameismattgotmlgo mynameismattgotmlgo
I don't think I could make a list in order of importance; I could, however, make a list according to chronological sequence.

1. Looks - a certain look appeals to me. What I consider a 9/10 might be what another guy considers a 5/10; what another guy considers an 8/10 might be what I consider a 3/10. If I saw a girl I thought was attractive, then I would be interested in potentially dating her.

2. Visual personality - before you meet a person, and after you've rated him or her on your own subconscious attractiveness scale, you can sort of tell what a person's personality might be like, based on how they interact with others, how high they hold their chin up, how they move their hands when they talk, how they walk, etc...

3. Meeting a person, you get to know their sense of humour, get an idea of their intelligence, find out how many mutual interests you share, etc... For me, this is very important. There have been a lot of girls I've met who I've been attracted to based on #1 and #2, but I've only met a few who I still was very attracted to after getting to know them. Luckily for me, I'm with one of them.

What I like most about her? That she's just so likable. Everyone likes her, and she'll bring a smile to anyone's face. There's just something about her... it's like she's flirtatious, but not in a sexual way, with everyone. As creepy as it sounds, I kind of like watching how she interacts with other people - for the reasons that I just mentioned. She's just so happy-go-lucky. I've always thought she'd make a great pediatrician.
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A photo of leviaidan leviaidan
I don't know what I want. I've never been in a relationship. :bball:
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A photo of lemony lemony
I would never say that I only go for personality or only go for looks. It really needs to be a combination of both and the judgements are very subjective. In some cases, one might compensate a little more for the other, but ultimately there needs to be a balance. Sometimes I think looks is what, in the end, will separate love from a strong friendship. But I guess that many people end up falling in love with their best friends. Quote, "A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other. Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever." (Disclaimer: That's not always true.)
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A photo of Lint Lint
I'd rather date a person with a good character and a bad personality because personality does not determine if the guy or girl is genuine in their actions or not. For instance, on those shows like the bachelor, the guy has a sweet personality but he ends up being a big player, kissing all the girls and telling them all that he loves them. A good personality just adds to the chemistry and attraction, like the good looks, but a relationship can't last on all that alone since the romance does end eventually.
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A photo of inthemaking inthemaking
Personality

I can grow to like someone's looks, I've found, if I like their personality. But there are 3 things that a guy must have for me to be attracted: a) 5'8"+, b) same age or older (aka born in same year as me at the minimum) and c) nice teeth (because a nice smile is pretty important to me). Other things like hair/eye colour, glasses/no glasses, abs/no abs etc are of less importance.

Money isn't a big deal for me right now, I'm not expecting a boyfriend to support me.
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A photo of Anonymous Anonymous
Everything the person does is relevant. They need to be similar to me and have similar interests on some fronts, but they can be different on others. For example, I broke up with one girl because she broke the law (ran a red light) - that is not okay to me, since I'm studying the law and recognize the vital importance of following the law. However, my current girlfriend is "different" in terms of social situations (introverted vs. extroverted), and that doesn't bother me.

Looks are also important - I'm not going out in public with a train wreck.

Desires and aspirations are essential - I don't care if your passion is to own a Tim Horton's some day, just HAVE a passion and be striving towards it. I don't want to date someone who's content being a Burger King cashier - I want to be with someone who, even if they are a fast food cashier for now, wants to eventually be a Legal Assistant (for example).

Finally, the relationship has to be a potential life-long partner. I don't want to date someone if they won't be a good wife, mother, soul mate, partner, etc. That's why I broke up with a girl for breaking the law. There's no point in dating a person if it's only going to last for a short period of time.
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A photo of Stranger Stranger

@Lemony wrote
But I guess that many people end up falling in love with their best friends.


I think that would be the best kind of relationship - where your lover is also your best friend. That's how I want it.


@ARMY101 wrote
Finally, the relationship has to be a potential life-long partner. I don't want to date someone if they won't be a good wife, mother, soul mate, partner, etc. That's why I broke up with a girl for breaking the law. There's no point in dating a person if it's only going to last for a short period of time.


I also think long term for relationships. If I can't imagine spending the future together with a boy, I take it as a sign that he probably isn't the right one for me. Like you, I view dates as potential life-long partners. Some people date for fun though, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Unless I'm looking for something serious while the guy just likes getting with a lot of girls...

As for personality, I guess I also lumped interests, views, and character into that category. Difference in personality is okay as long as we're compatible. I'm introverted, but I could be compatible with an extrovert who brings along some enthusiasm. Another example where difference might be a positive thing is a negative person with an optimistic person (no pun intended :P). I tend to be a bit of a pessimist, so I'd rather be with someone who brings some light into my life. That being said, I'd still want them to share some of the same views and interests with me.
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A photo of Qq Qq

@ARMY101 wrote
Everything the person does is relevant. They need to be similar to me and have similar interests on some fronts, but they can be different on others. For example, I broke up with one girl because she broke the law (ran a red light) - that is not okay to me, since I'm studying the law and recognize the vital importance of following the law. However, my current girlfriend is "different" in terms of social situations (introverted vs. extroverted), and that doesn't bother me.

Looks are also important - I'm not going out in public with a train wreck.

Desires and aspirations are essential - I don't care if your passion is to own a Tim Horton's some day, just HAVE a passion and be striving towards it. I don't want to date someone who's content being a Burger King cashier - I want to be with someone who, even if they are a fast food cashier for now, wants to eventually be a Legal Assistant (for example).

Finally, the relationship has to be a potential life-long partner. I don't want to date someone if they won't be a good wife, mother, soul mate, partner, etc. That's why I broke up with a girl for breaking the law. There's no point in dating a person if it's only going to last for a short period of time.



LOL!

I can imagine that..

"It's over"
"Why?!"
"Because you broke the law"
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A photo of Anonymous Anonymous

@Qq wrote

@ARMY101 wrote
Everything the person does is relevant. They need to be similar to me and have similar interests on some fronts, but they can be different on others. For example, I broke up with one girl because she broke the law (ran a red light) - that is not okay to me, since I'm studying the law and recognize the vital importance of following the law. However, my current girlfriend is "different" in terms of social situations (introverted vs. extroverted), and that doesn't bother me.

Looks are also important - I'm not going out in public with a train wreck.

Desires and aspirations are essential - I don't care if your passion is to own a Tim Horton's some day, just HAVE a passion and be striving towards it. I don't want to date someone who's content being a Burger King cashier - I want to be with someone who, even if they are a fast food cashier for now, wants to eventually be a Legal Assistant (for example).

Finally, the relationship has to be a potential life-long partner. I don't want to date someone if they won't be a good wife, mother, soul mate, partner, etc. That's why I broke up with a girl for breaking the law. There's no point in dating a person if it's only going to last for a short period of time.



LOL!

I can imagine that..

"It's over"
"Why?!"
"Because you broke the law"



Actually it was more "I don't want to be dating someone who doesn't share the same values as I do."

She was also pen pals with a convicted murderer from the U.S.
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A photo of JennyH1993 JennyH1993
The thing I love most about my relationship is how comfortable we are with each other. It is so important to me that I can speak my opinions, be myself and not feel self conscious when I'm with him.
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A photo of MaxwellEdison MaxwellEdison
Willingness to perform sodomy.
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A photo of kraken kraken
yeah, personality (and values, interests, humour etc.) mainly. I don't care too much about the looks as long as the guy isn't super slobby looking or obese.

and money... well... he'd better have more than me. which isn't hard. XD
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A photo of ladyish ladyish
Personally for me, trust is the most important thing in a relationship. You won't get very far without it. Though I am in a more serious relationship right now so that's probably not what you'd look for in a more short term relationship. Looks are not the focus when I'm looking for a relationship.
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A photo of goldmansachs goldmansachs

@ARMY101 wrote

She was also pen pals with a convicted murderer from the U.S.




You are a funny guy.
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A photo of Anonymous Anonymous

@goldmansachs wrote

@ARMY101 wrote

She was also pen pals with a convicted murderer from the U.S.




You are a funny guy.


I'm not joking. He was convicted of second degree murder and was serving a life sentence. He would call about 3 or 4 times a week and they would write every week.
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A photo of kaloolah kaloolah
In no particular order:

* There must be mutual physical attraction and good chemistry between us.
---I am not super shallow when it comes to looks, but I'm not going to date someone that I am not physically attracted to. It wouldn't make any sense to date someone if there wasn't a "spark" between us.

*He must truly cares about/ like/ love me and I must I truly care about/ like/ love him

* We must have similar morals.

* We must be good friends as well as...good lovers :P
---I want to be able to talk to him. We must get along really well. I don't like fighting with guys.



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A photo of Anonymous Anonymous
Personality matters most to me in a relationship. If a guy has zero personality then it's not really worth it IMO. Looks would come second but looks are not as important as personality. Though having said that I wouldn't want to be with some greasy guy who never showers/a homeless guy/a slob/etc. Money doesn't matter that much to me, I can support myself independently but I wouldn't want a guy to have no job or for him to be a millionaire. I think that humor, friendship and honesty are also good things to have in a relationship.
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A photo of linakohli linakohli
Personality is key
but is it too shallow to say that they need to have good looks aswell?
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A photo of Zion Zion
Humor, looks, and a certain degree of intelligence. I would add mutual interests, but almost all of the females I've been friends with or dated have had very little in common with me and we still got along well.
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A photo of Tasha0990 Tasha0990
Sense of humour is definitely a must. My boyfriend sure knows how to make me laugh. But I've found that if a guy can make you laugh, he automatically looks more attractive to me. The guy has to be understanding, sweet, and smart. He doesn't have to be over-the-top, super-genius kinda smart, but I have to be able to stand listening to him talk. Anyways, those are some things I look for in a guy, but I guess the question was what matters most in a relationship. My answers to that one are love and trust.
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A photo of cyynthiia cyynthiia
I'd like to say that personality is what makes a person attractive, but I can't deny that it's looks that first attracts me to someone. If a guy has a nice smile or nice eyes, I'd like to get to know him better.
But once that stage is over, I think it's personality that wins me over.
Gotta be able to make me laugh and knows how to have a good time, but at the same time.. he has to know when to be serious.
Definitely needs to be loyal and trustworthy as well.
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A photo of becca88 becca88
i go for personality.. I've dated some guys who aren't the best looking. but something attracted me to them. also some times i don't even know what attracted me to them. considering my current has been past 3-4 years doesn't have the greatest personality. and by all means does not have money.
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